At one time it seemed as though my life flowed in two parallel streams – in one I was the Gina who could thrive in the main stream corporate world, and in the other I was the alternative, hippy, spiritual Gina. They just didn’t seem to gel together. I thought they were destined never to integrate so I switched continuously from one stream to another. Monday to Friday I was immersed in the adrenaline fuelled chaos of an investment bank, which had a level of excitement and fulfilment but still left me lacking. During weekends I was often on soul connection retreats, being guided to know my true essence, perhaps with some peaceful OM chants thrown in. There I’d reach a level of inner connectedness and fulfilment that didn’t seem possible in my working life. I certainly straddled different worlds!
Eventually I discovered that I could indeed integrate those apparently opposing sides of me. I didn’t need to start a meeting by chanting three OMs or ask my colleagues to tune into their higher guidance! But that same part of me that I connected to when on retreats, could be integrated into my working life, most effectively by me simply being kinder to myself. The more often I let benevolence permeate my actions, my words, my thoughts and my feelings, the more meaning and contentment I felt at work. My day flowed better.
The integration process was complete by me recognising the contribution I was making to my surroundings just by having a gentler inner voice. I can so clearly recall a colleague one day saying, to my surprise, that she felt so calm just sitting beside me! Over time other colleagues made similar comments.
Our internal voice effects the people around us, just as much and sometimes more than our spoken words.
I grew in awareness of how my more loving internal world could enriched those around me, and it was a game changer. That is what gave my working life a deeper level of satisfaction and meaning. I enjoyed my working day in a new way, I was happier and others seemed to feel good around me. Beyond the job I was being paid to do, I felt like I had a secret mission! For the first time in my corporate job, just by being my best self, I felt purposeful.
No doubt I’ll still search for bigger and deeper ways to make a positive impact on the the world, because its in human nature to want to grow and expand. But it feels good to know that when I tune in to my most loving self and move beyond my fears, doubts and frustrations, that that is perhaps the most wonderful contribution I can make to life.